Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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