I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
