She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The ass gains better be worth it
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