If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
