Christians are straight up FREAKS
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
