just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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