What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize