you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
