Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
