i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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