Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
