if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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