Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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