I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize