thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
