she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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