The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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