Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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