That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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