You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
