Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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