Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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