there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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