i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
