Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
