Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
