Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
