those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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