I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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