Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize