where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize