I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
