Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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