don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize