sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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