is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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