I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
