If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
