like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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