Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
