The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
