hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to be your penis for a week.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize