By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
