you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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