you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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