hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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