after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
