I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
