OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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