just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
