i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
