gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
