Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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