you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Floor bacon is actually really good
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