Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
