dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
