i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ugly people sure do ruin things
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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