It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
