Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
