I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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