dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
