So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
