can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
