i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
love makes seman taste better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
