Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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