grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
