that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
