i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
