think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
