so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
