college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize