He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
