seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
