Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
