Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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