i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
