I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
