some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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