arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize