meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
