Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
