she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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