So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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