the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
