I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
