This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
