i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
