A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
