my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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