Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
