I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
