I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
