y did u give ur computer a hand job?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
