I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
