Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
