if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
